I left New York because I was unhappy. Not unhappy from my job, or friends, or the city, but more so unhappy with myself. It took time to realize the root of my sadness, but once it showed itself in my gray-scale world, I made a decision.
I made the decision to leave to take care of myself. To take care of my mental well-being. Because I didn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I knew the light existed. I decided to leave while I knew the light still existed.
“I don’t have to live like this.”
Once you take a step back and recognize your existence as a physical human being with organs and a soul, you begin to realize nothing else really compares in importance to your mental and physical health.
I planned my days so that it could hurry up and be tomorrow. I lost my self-confidence, self-love, and self-worth. I didn’t know I did, until I sought help. When it was time to leave work, panic and anxiety crept inside because I hated where my mind would take me when I wasn’t kept busy.
I was fortunate enough to be surrounded by incredibly inspiring and inspired people in New York City. They gave the motivation to strive to become a better version of myself. They became my role models to look up to both personally and professionally.
Sh*t happens. Moments can break you. Something happened and I broke. I waited and suppressed my emotions until it gobbled me up and ruined me. I waited until the point it consumed me. I didn’t admit to my feelings when I needed to attend to them.
You are just as important as any other human being. You are just as important as Obama or Kim K. You exist just as much. Take care of yourself as you would take care of a friend or family member. Consider yourself a friend and acknowledge what your soul needs.
I am now living and breathing in Los Angeles. I am happy, but I know my inner demons are not dead. They’re dormant. It will be another battle if they decide to rise again, but I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening. I am now a healthier, happier, and stronger person because of my experience and my supportive backbones — my friends and family.
I appreciate 2016. It took an unexpected turn, but I’m so glad to be ending the year at peace and at balance.
I am ready for 2017.
** This is a personal post. I know a lot of you put on a strong and happy facade, but if you are unhappy and need someone to talk to you — I am here.